Tiberius' Fanfiction Review
by tiberiusgr
Summary: I read bad fanfiction so you don't have to. Submit fanfiction for review in the reviews section of this fanfiction, or by PMing me.
1. Introduction

Hey guys.

My name's Tiberius, and like many of you on this site, I hate bad fanfiction.

However, what I hate even more than bad fanfiction is the amount of positive reviews that awful fanfiction gets.

You know what I mean.

Open up even the worst piece of garbage on this site, and you'll see a slew of braindead positive reviews, with no actual criticism given.

So if you want to change that, and want to watch me suffer in the process, please submit fanfiction for Tiberius' Fanfiction Review.

Submit the worst literary atrocities you've read, fanfiction that makes you want to shove your head in a fucking blender, or even stories that you love and enjoy.

Who knows, I might actually end up liking one of them. Try and submit real multi chapter stories, and not just obvious troll fics.

I will be rating fics in 5 categories, including writing, grammar, characters, plot and originality. Also, I won't be kind. If the story sucks, I'll say it fucking sucks.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. You can submit your fanfiction in the reviews section of this very fic.

Note: I will be judging fanfiction like I would a real book. Bad writing doesn't get a free pass just because it's on the internet.


	2. The Shy Angel gives me brain damage

Hi.

This is the first chapter in a multi-chapter review series dedicated to reviewing Overwatch fanfiction. Today, we're reviewing _The Shy Angel_ , one of the worst stories I've ever had the displeasure of reading. This story was recommended to me by TFM101, and if you would like to submit a story for review, you can do so by either PMing me or leaving suggestions in the reviews section of this fic.

Romance stories are a staple of fanfiction. In fact, I'd wager that "shipping" fics are one of the primary reasons people read fanfiction in the first place. However, you can't deny that most romance stories on fanfiction websites are truly awful, even more so than the other stories. Personally, I think this is because **fanfiction authors have no fucking clue how to write relationships.** And what better example to demonstrate this than _The Shy Angel_ by Angela Ziegler (wow really creative name guys). Angela Ziegler, who I'm going to call AZ from now on to prevent confusion, is a shared account between 3 people, who describe themselves as "a hive mind of three of the best fanfic writers known to man." Well, whatever this hivemind is, I can't imagine it having more than 3 brain cells, as nobody with an IQ over 45 would actually think that _The Shy Angel_ is a good story. And in this chapter, I'll prove to you why.

 **WRITING AND GRAMMAR**

There's really nothing I can say, except that the writing and grammar of _The Shy Angel_ are absolutely fucking awful. One of the first things you'll notice when reading this story (if I can even call it that) is how the author completely butchers the use of present tense. It's almost as if AZ wrote the story in past tense and then used the find and replace tool in Word to change every "was" to "is". While not grammatically wrong (I think), it does make the entire story read incredibly awkward. The sentences don't flow well, and the wording is piss poor. Here, I'll give you an example:

 **"It is a cool autumn day. The sky is clear without a cloud in sight. I was transferred to a new school and this is my first day. The school is** in **the beginning of the 2nd quarter of the year. It is between 5th and 6th period and I was in the hallway tagging along with some guys. Half of us are leaning against lockers while the others are standing up. They began talking about one of the guys crush on a girl in their class. He starts to turn slightly red.**

 **"Come on guys, leave me alone. Don't you like someone, new kid?" says the embarrassed man"**

You see how terrible that paragraph is? The phrasing is bad, the sentence structure doubly so, and reading it is the literary equivalent of bashing your head with a sack of bricks.

The Shy Angel also falls for another common fanfiction trap- the over-description of characters. This is how the fanfic describes Mercy when we first meet her:

 **"In walks a woman with golden blond hair in a pony tail. Her hair's color is so soft that it is almost white. Her eyes are hazelnut and a lock of hair is loose in the front of her face. She is wearing the school uniform which is a knee** long **black, pleated skirt, a bright white polo and a black vest with the school logo. She has subtle makeup which gives her eyes a faint smoky outline."**

Sorry to break it to you AZ, but NOBODY CARES. This just makes the fic look dumb and childish as if anyone actually needs to know if Mercy's eyes have a "faint smoky outline" or not. This is one of those problems that plague not only this story, but the entire fanfiction community as a whole. If you're writing long, overdrawn descriptions make sure they have a purpose. Otherwise, writing paragraphs on how your character has "a lock of hair loose in the front of her face" just makes you look like a dumbass. Although I have to admit this isn't the most egregious example of over-description I've ever seen, not having descriptions that make me want to blow my brains out isn't really much of an accomplishment.

Finally, the worst thing about AZ's writing is the complete and utter lack of subtlety. One of the first things you ever learn in any writing class is " **show, don't tell."** Clearly, the author of this garbage hasn't taken that advice, as AZ constantly beats us over the head with descriptions that tell us exactly what each character is thinking at any given time. Take this sentence for example:

 **"She responds in very shaky voice "I-i'm f-fine" however she is obviously nervous."**

The shaky voice and the stutter already tell us that Mercy is nervous, but since AZ thinks that we're as braindead as they are, they have to explicitly tell us that Mercy is nervous, even though her nervousness has already been described. But that's not the worst of it. No no no, AZ manages to use the dumbest, most braindead way to describe that Mercy has feelings for our main character, Jason:

""I say to Mercy, "The waiter is right, we do make a cute couple however."

We both laugh and say goodbye.

 **Inside, Mercy was thinking about Jason's comment and if he was serious.** ""

You've got to be kidding me. Out of all the possible ways to express Mercy's interest in Jason, the author manages to use the single fucking worst way possible. And I know what you readers are thinking, "Tiberius, that can't be real. Surely you're just made that quote up to discredit the story. No writer can write something that bad." Believe me, that was a real quote from the story. I wish it wasn't. But, to the great dismay of my IQ points, it was.

So, to sum it all up, there are no redeemable qualities about the writing of The Shy Angel. It's just layers and layers of terrible, terrible writing. I was going to end this section with some funny quip, but writing about the terrible writing in The Shy Angel has just sucked all the humor out of my soul.

 **WRITING SCORE: 2/10**

 **THE CHARACTERS**

Somehow, someway, the characters of _The Shy Angel_ manage to be worse than the writing. I'm being serious here. It's actually worse.

The Shy Angel focuses on 2 characters, Jason, our OC, and AZ's bizarre out of character portrayal of Mercy, our secondary main character, and Jason's love interest. And by out of character, I mean that if we imagined Mercy's original character as a girl, the way the authors characterize Mercy in this story would be equivalent to them taking that girl and slowly blending her up in a food processor while she was still alive. In short, Mercy's characterization in this "story" **is nothing short of fucking murder.** Here, I'll show you why.

Mercy's characterization in _The Shy Angel_ is to be a shy angel. That's it. There's literally nothing else to her character. You know you've fucked up as an author when your main character's only 2 defining traits are being shy, and being the love interest of your other main character. In addition to this, the authors of this fic manage to play into every single romance cliche ever when writing her, making her already bad characterization even worse. So bad, in fact, my words cannot describe how bad it truly is, so I'll use the authors' words instead.

"" **It's no big deal, it's good to see that you're passionate"**  
 **"Oh,** th **-thank you" she states as she turns away trying to hide her blush."**

I'm sitting here imagining the authors of this fic meeting in one room, discussing how to best characterize Mercy.

"Y'know, maybe we could give Mercy real human interests, and make this story somewhat realistic."

"Nah, fuck that shit, just make her blush at random compliments, that'll really establish her character."

"Sure, works for me."

Also, I love the fact that when the authors attempt to persuade the reader that Mercy isn't just a shy love interest, but a deep, complex character with various motives and goals, it manages to make her seem more like a shy love interest. Take this paragraph for example:

"" **So why do you like doctoring so much?" I ask Mercy**  
 **Mercy instantly perks up and a cute smile forms on her face. Her eyes seem to shine at the thought of what she could become.**  
 **"I love the idea of becoming a doctor because the most important thing about recovery is the human element. I want to connect with people and change their life. Most doctors focus on giving medicine but I want to provide emotional support to make the patient feel comfortable with me.** ""

I'm just going let the words speak for themselves.

 **CHARCTERIZATION SCORE: 1.5/10**

 **THE PLOT**

What plot? No seriously, I don't see any plot here. Maybe it's because I couldn't get past chapter 20 in this story before giving up (the chapters are really fucking short), but I don't think I've noticed any semblance of a plot in this fic.

Mainly because writing another word about this story is going to make me actually sick, I'm just going to give this story the benefit of the doubt, and assume that there's going to be some mediocre, half-assed plot later on in the story.

 **PLOT SCORE: 4.5/10(MAINLY BECAUSE I SIMPLY COULDN'** T **READ** **ANY MORE OF THIS FUCKING STORY.** **I'M** **SURE IF I HAD READ MORE CHAPTERS, IT WOULD'VE BEEN LOWER.)**

 **FINAL THOUGHTS**

The Shy Angel fucking sucks.

For the love of god, don't read it(Or do, it's your choice.I'm not stopping you.)

 **FINAL SCORE: 3/10**


End file.
